Well I wasn't expecting that.
For the first time in over a year.
I know it had to come back eventually, but since I'm exclusively pumping I didn't expect it to be until way later or possibly not at all and then I'd be possibly pregnant with our second and begin the amazing cycle of no period for another 9 months.
But what I REALLY didn't expect was the emotional reaction I had to it. After so many negative pregnancy tests and so many periods starting when we were praying and hoping for a pregnancy, that SAME feeling came rushing back when this period started. NOT pregnant is what it screamed. Even though we aren't trying, those feelings still rang true. Defeat, anger, sadness. Why? I don't know.
Maybe it's still a reminder that we can't get pregnant. At least not the traditional way. I guess part of me hopes that we will miraculously get pregnant on our own without IVF. Wishful thinking I guess.
I am so thankful for our little miracle, Raegan, and am not taking away from the fact that she was conceived and we have a beautiful daughter, but I also know that I am not going to invalidate the way I'm feeling. The struggle of infertility doesn't go away even after a baby is born. It is part of our life from now until forever.
Now I'm off to Target to buy the necessities.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Well I wasn't expecting that.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
I can't believe that it has been 1 year since finding out that our IVF cycle worked and we were pregnant!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Well I'm 2 weeks over due on Raegan's 3 month update. This is pretty much my life now. Always a few steps behind, but hey, at least it's still getting done! I can't believe how quickly she is growing! I am loving this stage right now. Even though I wish she would start taking longer naps during the day!
We have moved you into your bedroom and you sleep in your rock n play. You go down around 8pm and sleep until 8:30am with 2 feedings throughout the night. You also love to get in bed with me at 7:30am and sleep with me until 8:30am. It's one of my favorite times of the day. You don't nap very much during the day, but it must be because you sleep so good at night! Fortunately, the short naps are really all you need because you are one happy baby when you're awake!
Your cleft palate repair was scheduled for October 22, but we decided to postpone the surgery until you are older. Lots of things have come to our attention about you sweet girl and we want whats best for you! You were diagnosed with a mild case of Pierre Robin Sequence and sleep apnea. By waiting until you are older, our hope is that you grow out of both and then when your cleft is closed, it won't be such a strain on your already small airway.
You are crazy skinny and only have rolls on your upper thigh. You didn't get to wear a lot of the summer clothes I bought you since they didn't fit. Maybe your little sister (if you have one) can wear them eventually.
You have recently found your voice and it is so darn cute! You squeal and love to make the "m" sound. You could sit in your crib or swing for hours chewing on your toes and squealing to your hearts content.
I love this time of year because of all of the holidays and this year we get to spend them with you! This time last year you had just been put back inside Momma on November 2 and we were in our 2 week wait to see if you were going to stick around. And we are sure glad you did. You make us so incredibly happy sweet girl.
You are our miracle baby for sure!