October is pregnancy/infant loss awareness month and today (October 15) is the day we honor all of those babies who were gone to soon by lighting a candle at 7pm in remembrance of them and leaving it lit for an hour. We will be lighting a candle for our sweet Petri tonight. Petri is the nickname Kyle gave our first baby. So instead of naming him/her after the loss, we kept Petri.
Even through the heartache of losing our first pregnancy, I can't help but thank God for his amazing plan when I look at our sweet Raegan. Our rainbow baby. Even through the heartache, there were blessing along the way. And she was definitely one of them.
What is a rainbow baby you ask? Rainbow babies are born after the loss of a previous child.
The heartache we endured from hearing we may never be parents, to getting pregnant on our own, to losing that baby, is something I never wish on anyone.
But it was during that time that God was working in me. I will admit I was angry. Very angry. How could God take away the 1 thing Kyle and I had been praying for for so long?
It was the Infertility bible study I took in the fall of 2013 that really started opening my eyes to God's love for me. He hurt with me. He mourned with me and not once did He leave my side. He had a plan and a reason for all of it.
I realized that God was using our story to help encourage others and bring glory to Him. This little blog of mine has become such a sweet place for me. Telling my story and sharing our ups and downs along the way. In hopes that it would bring others hope and that they would find comfort and peace in knowing that the Lord has His hand in all of it.
Yes, now being on the other side it is easier, but the feelings of being right in the middle of it all are still so fresh and I don't think I will ever forget them.
I read a quote recently that has stuck with me.
It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with it’s aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
I pray for anyone who is still waiting on their rainbow baby. That they would feel the peace and comfort from God that only He can give. I understand your anger and frustration. So does He.
If you ever need someone to talk to or need prayer, please do not hesitate to reach out to me.