Life is crazy right now. Like really crazy. We moved into our house that we've been renovating for the past 6 months. Even though we are in we still have workers at the house daily. Our dogs are still at my parents because Stella is not the friendliest of dogs with people she doesn't know. I'm ready to have my girls back in the house. I miss them.
Oh and I'm 14 weeks pregnant. You may be thinking ummm how is that possible? Well 2 weeks after my D&C with Hadley, I got pregnant again. Yep. You heard that right. The 1-5% chance of naturally getting pregnant ain't got nothing on God. I still don't understand why we had to go through losing Hadley, but we did, and are stronger because of it.
Believe me, I was just as surprised as you. I stared at that test, hands shaking, with tears in my eyes thinking "here we go again. I cannot do another loss."
I went in for blood work and again, levels were low. Again. I prepared to lose our baby. I was just starting to heal from the 10 weeks of hell of low levels, slow heartbeat, and measuring behind at every sono, to seeing that our sweet baby girl was gone. I couldn't do it again. But every appointment we went to, levels were great, baby measured wonderfully, and it's heartbeat was strong.
I still couldn't allow myself to think this was happening. I couldn't allow myself to fall in love with another sweet baby that I may never meet. Even as I watched my belly grow I couldn't open up.
We met with our MFM (maternal fetal medicine) doctor for our first trimester screening. With our history of loss and trisomy and also Pierre Robin with Raegan having early testing is important to make sure that our baby is healthy and we are doing everything we can to sustain the pregnancy.
They looked over our sweet baby and everything looked fine physically. They even gave us a prediction if we were having a girl or boy. (keep reading, I promise I won't leave you hanging). They took my blood and said they'd have the results within 2 weeks. This test would test for down syndrome, trisomy 13, 18, 21, and also for any chromosomal deletions. To be clear, no matter the results, this was our baby. There was never talk of termination. Our reasoning for testing was to prepare. To make sure we would be at a hospital that could handle if anything were wrong and have a NICU that was top notch. After having Raegan's surprise Pierre Robin diagnosis, NICU stay, hospital transfer, etc, we decided that we would be prepared for every pregnancy after. I needed that. We needed that.
Yesterday (Valentine's Day) I got a call from our nurse. She said she had amazing news that all the results came back negative. No deletions of chromosomes. Perfect sweet little baby boy.
I for sure thought we were having another girl, but Kyle's dream of having 2 boys close in age (they'll be 18 months apart) came true. Raegan is pretty excited about still being the queen bee.
We will continue seeing my MFM to monitor the baby's chin for Pierre Robin along with my fluid levels. I had normal to high levels of fluid with Raegan and Hudson. She also saw a funky spot on my placenta that she wants to watch. More on that after my next sono to confirm if it's something we should be worried about.
So for today, I am rejoicing in the sweet miracle growing inside of me. I still can't believe it's actually happening. Sometimes I feel like a fraud though. Infertility is no joke. We have been through the ringer, but then this happened. We got pregnant. Naturally. I have been pregnant 3 times naturally. We have lost 2 of those pregnancies. I still can't understand why we have been given this gift. Why us? It's a question I may never be able to answer, but I am so thankful. So thankful for this baby.
We can't wait to hold him and cry over him because you better believe I will be crying over him. Crying tears of healing and thankfulness.